The Return of The Crib

Aaaaaaand...

We're back in the crib. We put it together correctly now, so the mattress is on the very bottom position. He screamed for the first 15 mins and now he's sleeping. Like he did in the toddler bed too. So, no different there. I am hopeful that I will be sleeping all night tonight.

He needs to learn to put himself back to sleep -- he used to be able to do it. and then he would sleep from 7 to 7, almost every night. Now, we are going to bed late and getting up early to watch "Choo" (A Disney show called Chuggington). Ridiculous. We are trying to cut back on TV time, but I think it's going to be even more. I am done with the TV requests.

So, the next week or so will tell what happens with him. I hope to be sleeping again.



Also, today, I saw a new doctor. I really liked her -- she is just for general family doctor. I will still see by OBGYN too, for now. But, for months now, I have been having trouble dealing with life. I thought it was just stress or just being too busy or the holidays or whatever. But, it came to a point that I was easily irritable, and very, very angry and I could not control it. Well, I could control myself, but I couldn't stop the blood pressure rise and the RAGE. Pure anger. And it occurred to me that I have not just been feeling like this for a few months, but since Ryan was born. Which would make it Post Pardum Depression, PPD.

I felt really bad, because I was trying to be a little rational and tell the doctor how I had been feeling and all that, and instead, I just started to cry. I apologized and told her that I didn't want to unload on her, but here was how I've been feeling. And, I just don't feel like me. I feel wrong and backwards and a million other things. I have no energy to do normal things around the house, much less to do things that I actually enjoy, like sewing, cross stitching, etc. etc. etc.

So, she asked me all the standard depression questions and did do a physical exam. She is doing blood work on me, but said that she really thought it was PPD.

So, as of 1/26/11, I take Zoloft. I go back in one month to check out how I feel. I am hoping there is a difference. Because right now, I have been like this for so long, that I feel like this is normal -- I just don't know how I will be different.

But, I am hoping that I will enjoy my life again. Because right now, I definitely don't. I try, but I just don't have it. I'm hoping that I find it again.

So, Guess What?

I decided this week that starting over was unnecessary. That I should just keep going. Because it's all a part of who I am and where I came from.

Plus, I just wasn't writing that much any way. I felt silly trying to be anonymous, because only people that knew me were reading anyway, right.

I'm taking a page from Josh Hertel and trying to remember to write, at least once a week, something of value.

Ryan is 20 months now. He is the greatest thing evah! I mean, there are moments where I want nothing better than to smoosh his little face, but he is wonderful. He knows many words and just is so funny. So dramatic. A great dancer. The little blonde boy.

I don't know if anyone reads this one anymore, but maybe if I write a new post, someone will come back to read again.

Since we're still in January, I can still make my resolutions/goals for this year! :)

Let's take a look at what I wanted to accomplish for 2010:

1. Seriously, lose 20 pounds (which is the remaining baby weight); then I will stop looking 5 months pregnant and my pants will fit again
2. Pay credit cards down under 5k (tax refunds will help this significantly)
3. Save $500 for realz


I set my bar low-ish last year. How did I do?

1. Considering that by the end of 2009, I was actually close to where I was at 7 months preggo in weight, I came very close to this goal! I lost about 5 lbs in February, and kind of bounced around 225 over the summer and fall. In August, I suddenly decided it was time. I'd had enough! I started Weight Watchers again and really followed it. By the end of the year, I had lost another 10 pounds! So, I hover right around 215 now, give or take. But, I do need to exercise (like with the 30 day shred) because my knees sound god-awful again. But, I lost 15 pounds over 2010. Pretty frickin' good, if you ask me!

2. We borrowed money against my 401k this year and paid off my cards. I can sacrifice the small loss in retirement income for the big loss of debt and interest payments. So, the credit cards, all of them combined, are hovering right around this number too. So, I call this one very close too. With this year's refund, we will be down to the end of it -- and we are both thrilled.

3. We didn't save any money this year, but the focus on paying things off/down was the biggest part of that.



So, for 2011!

1. Finish paying off the credit cards (I think this can be done by the end of summer, for sure)

2. Start paying off the mortgage, so we have real equity in the house. We refinanced this year and lost most of it to closing costs. But, without credit card payments, we can start dumping an extra $400/month onto the house. That way, when we get ready to sell in the next few years, we will be able to buy another house.

3. Start saving an emergency fund of being able to pay bills for 3 months. Which is about $5000, I think. We'll start there.

4. Get pregnant with #2 (#4)

5. Lose another 10 pounds

6. Finish some of the craft projects that I have lying around (and there are MANY!)


I know, 4 and 5 conflict, but maybe I will lose the 10 lbs before the getting pregnant thing.



So, Happy Resolutions and happy back to blogging! I've missed it. I need to focus on something other than reading the internet for hours at night and watching TV.