Happy 2012!

As always, I like to see what I wanted to accomplish for 2011 and see how I did. Here's what I wanted to do: So, for 2011! 1. Finish paying off the credit cards (I think this can be done by the end of summer, for sure) 2. Start paying off the mortgage, so we have real equity in the house. We refinanced this year and lost most of it to closing costs. But, without credit card payments, we can start dumping an extra $400/month onto the house. That way, when we get ready to sell in the next few years, we will be able to buy another house. 3. Start saving an emergency fund of being able to pay bills for 3 months. Which is about $5000, I think. We'll start there. 4. Get pregnant with #2 (#4) 5. Lose another 10 pounds 6. Finish some of the craft projects that I have lying around (and there are MANY!) So...how did I do? 1. No. Not even close. Got really, really out of control this year, in fact. So, back to stricter living next year and get back on track for 2012. We REALLY need to get these cards paid off. 2. Again, nothing here. 3. Fail 4. Okay, this is the only thing that we managed to do! I did get pregnant, it was textbook -- well, for me -- and we were having a girl. Then 2011 punched me in the face and ran away laughing when Max was born on Dec 20th. So, now I get to decide if I am really done. Dammit. 5. Actually, it didn't happen, but I didn't gain a whole of weight either while pregnant with Max. I have already lost 15 lbs and I'm only 5 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight. 6. I didn't get to do this, but I did sort through my projects to try to get rid of some stuff. I don't know if I will have a garage sale or a Goodwill run, but something will happen with it. I added a bunch of new projects with Max. So, what's the goals for 2012? 1. Pay down the credit cards under $1000.00. Seriously. That is my biggest goal this year. I want to follow the principles of Dave Ramsey and the "Snowball" debt pay off theory. Pay the minimum on the rest and pay off the one that is the smallest (I think -- I'd have to review) and the take that payment and apply it to the next one until it's gone. Etc. 2. I don't know if I will try to save anything this year or not -- I'm really going for the payoffs of our major debts this year. Credit cards are the worst, followed by the dang Saturn. 3. Lose 15 - 20 lbs -- I'd like to get back to under 200 lbs. 4. Finish all the construction projects in the house and move the two boys into one room late this year. Max will have to be sleeping through the night for this to work in my mind. So, I'm hoping in the fall, we will be able to do this and move to the bedroom downstairs. 5. Get Ryan to use the regular toilet and get him out of diapers. I think that is sufficient. :) On a separate note, I have to say the following: I love both of my sons and I wouldn't trade either for anything in the world. However...part of me is still mourning the loss of Lily, even if she never really existed. It makes me incredibly sad. All the work we did, all the money we spent so we could have 'girl' stuff. Jake deals with it by cleaning and making it seem like it never happened. I have days where I am fine and days where my brain keeps saying that I was supposed to have a girl, and what the hell happened? How could that doctor have been so fucking wrong? How could that ultrasound tech who checked the previa have said she would guess girl too, without the caviat that saying 'it's a girl' just really means that they can't see any boy parts? And therefore, I have to ask myself: Am I done? Can I do this one more time to see if we have a girl? Do I just leave it up to God and figure that this is what it was supposed to be? Do I want three kids? I'm 32 -- how long do I try to wait? Until I'm 35? Until Max is two and a half? What if it's another boy? The rest of my fam only has two boys each, so would the outcome be different this time? Maybe it's the horomones, but of course this is probably going to be the thing that drives me to drink this time. Oy. Hopefully, 2012 is better than 2011. I didn't like being sick all year and I definitely didn't like the kick to the face at the end of the year, even if I do like the result that is currently sleeping in his swing.