Feeling better about lots of things...

Many things have happened since last week...I finally miscarried, which was hands-down the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life. It was much, much worse than the last time. Jake said he came home and I was yellow, white and blue. My jaw was yellow, cause I had just thrown up, white for the same reason and pain and blue b/c I had huge bags under my eyes. I'm not sure how I made it through it all, but if Jake hadn't been there, I probably wouldn't have.

But, the blood draws are going well. On the 22nd, I was still around 5,000. But, I m/c'd on the 25th and by the 29th (this past Tues.), I was only at 178. My next draw is on Aug 12th and I would think that I will be at the "not-pregnant" state by then. woot!

But, I am manifesting my sadness about this m/c differently than last time -- this time, I can't ever stop doing stuff. It's weird. I was super busy at work, which was great, and if I sat around for an hour at home, I would get really upset. Better to just keep moving. I am trying to start running again. We went once for a short run a week and a half ago and that was hard. Then, on Tuesday, I went out at about 8pm, b/c I couldn't watch the Brewers any more. I ran for 3/4 of a mile w/o stopping. Just me and the sound of my footsteps. Oh, and the occasional car or truck. Trying to lose that weight!

I also made an appt to talk with my GP today to get an idea of where to go from here. He wanted me to get my records transferred to him (easily done), find out what kind of infertility coverage I have (it's 100% covered after the deductible is met!) in case some testing of that sort needs to be done, and find out what doctors in the area are covered (most of them). I feel much, much better about everything too. It's amazing. I almost just needed someone to tell me what to do, b/c I wasn't getting that from the other place. It was great. So, as soon as he looks at my records from the other place, he can determine where we need to go from here -- if he can treat me as is (I'm starting to think that I'm skewing towards high risk more than not) or if he needs to refer me to a high-risk OB full time. At least he can help me make a good decision. If he can be my OB/GYN as is, great! If not, at least he can help me make an informed decision about my care, instead of picking and choosing, like last time. Because that worked out oh-so-well.

I also have an appt with a doctor that a few of the women at work go to see Aug. 27th, but I may end up canceling it if stuff works out with Dr. Olson. I hope it does. It took me about 10-15 mins to get from my work to his office. Sweet.

Anyway, enough wasting of bandwidth here. Just have to spew this all out, so it's out of my brain! :)